I should be up and out of bed. I should be replenishing after yesterday. Drinking and poor nutrition has been me lately; My body aching and weakening each day. I should be up and cleaning house. I should be moving and preparing for the day. Laziness has me tight in its grips as I lie... Continue Reading →
My father was not a drunk, my mother was not an addict.
My uncle did not rape me, and that is a fact.
So many others have it worse, so many mountains are taller.
Looking down below, the actual act of jumping is so much harder.
I turn back around and trudge back down the stairs.
One by one, they each stand, all the little hairs.
My senses are heightened, my guard is back up.
I take a deep breath and blow out the evidence left that I was about to jump.
My mother’s boyfriends did not touch me, nor did my father’s girlfriends.
My father did not peep at me, nor did my sister’s friends.
So why am I so fucked up? My past is not the worst.
Yet, I walk around undone, the tears always threatening to burst.
The alarm goes off and tear rolls…
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I cannot sense the ground beneath Nor the walls around me. I ache through this inner seeking for a crack, a hole, a slight deprecation, anything that may give way into this void. This dark, impenetrable, yet gaping hole in which The memory of your presence is hidden away. I seek to shed light inside... Continue Reading →
Typically in sorrow I find my writing to be too wordy, But this sorrow in me I cannot allow to be confined. Unfailingly as I sit, pen in hand or fingers laid on qwerty, I understand the need to reduce the sorrow that's undefined. Yet, subsequently, in regards to those tragic years My customary creative... Continue Reading →
Here I am once again with the darkness looming 'round. Heaviness descends As I lower to the ground. A pity it seems After all this time, It did not matter. I still cannot disengage from my mind. Always knowing This is where it would end; I tried fooling myself, But this fate I could not... Continue Reading →
A breath away, a heartbeat closer. The struggle with fear and hesitation. "It is you, only you can help her" Tentatively, stepping closer, breath abated. My legs are laden, the air grows denser. Relieved, my extension cannot reach her. Though, I sense I need to, "You cannot lose this." A forced inhale, I know this... Continue Reading →
It slips on like silk. Strong like it too. It is soft as it touches my contures, Laying itself into my crevices It is my most worn garmentAlways at the ready. It is most difficult to remove, And can only be done in solitude. It is an expectation, no matter my state.Without it, I am... Continue Reading →
This sorrow drips from me like a candle melting on asphalt On a midsummer afternoon in the valley of hatred. The gossomer surrounding me thickens into leather Nearly impenetrable, but pliable enough to move seamlessly. This plight that plagues me brings to no one any blame; I am my fault. I always have been and... Continue Reading →
There is a song dancing before my eyes. Splashing colors trail the tails of the playful wind. A breeze of hopefuless whispering against my ears. Yet, I am blinded to the twirls of this live melody, Nor can I feel its crescendoing warmth swirling 'round; Unto deaf ears it descends, like the wisp of a... Continue Reading →
I move and I breathe, but not without effort. I wake each day disappointed that I have done so. Each step that is taken from quicksand it is removed. Every beat of my heart pulsates my length. Without fail one of two randomly happen: A fountain of tears with an imploding ache, A numbness of... Continue Reading →
It is a wonder to be when it is unwanted. It is a burden upon me and I suspect upon others too. The resources that are wasted, The space that has been taken up. It is a wonder to have gotten this far. This life of the mistakenly conceived.
The day is done and night has come. It is time to commence the closing sum Of events and emotions, With its retrospective notions That digress into a descending spiral Of self disgust that turns viral. A hyperactive tongue from the past is then flung. Off to bed to rid the head Of this thinking... Continue Reading →
Does hollow always mean something is missing? By definition it means empty space inside, And it also means without meaning. So if a person feels within, a hollow space it has to mean something needs to fill it. Maybe it is purpose or an action like the thrill of the chase, Or could it instead... Continue Reading →
Hollow is a good word, but empty is better. No matter what I do to fill my cup, there is a hole at the bottom that almost instantly drains. Uh oh, this one is not going to rhyme. My soul is so fucking strained! I cannot think anymore Without turning a good thing negative. The... Continue Reading →
I told myself no! Yet my glass refills I hid the blades yet my skin still bleeds. No matter the thought my actions driven by feels. The destruction and chaos crave these feeds. It does not matter who comes, when it matters I will be left. Left to my own defenses, which have proven weak.... Continue Reading →
My chest compressed, I cannot inhale deep enough. My throat stricken, the shirt collar is nowhere near. My thoughts are broken, traversing them is rough. I cannot breathe with the fear That grips my neck and taints my thoughts. It is a new fear, not of the external, this is becoming clear. As things outwardly... Continue Reading →
It's too loud in here inside my head. Coming undone is the nicest way to put it. My wife coming home thinking I was dead. What am I doing? Watching each hit Beat me deep into the unforgiving ground. Watching myself dive further into the darkest pit. I keep thinking I can turn this around,... Continue Reading →
Right through the heart with the sharpest blade The pain's burst disperses, yet does not fade. The shock, breathing is hard to come. You say pause, yet I hear done. It's an echo of the unlearned parable. The deafening ring is unbearable. The beat of a broken heart, Once again tearing apart. The blanket of... Continue Reading →
I did not think that I was capable and in the moment I had decided not to tell, but it seems that fate had already seemed it inescapable. I needed to tell you one way or another and from me it did expel. Not as glamorously as I had practiced. Not as detailed as it... Continue Reading →
The final distrust stands now, Out from the void, as we traverse the shadow, 15 years later, in front of me. Wow! What I am feeling? I don't know. The past comes to haunt me And less complicated I cannot show. I run to the safety of my tear watered tree. I cannot have you... Continue Reading →